If can, can. If no can, no can.

It’s been quite some time since I’ve been able to blog. Life got ahead of me and I had to play some catch up. A lot has been going on. There’s lots of more stuff to write about, but that will come soon. In the meantime, take a trip with me back to paradise…

I went home to Hawai`i in September for a few weeks to be a guest and photograph my best friend’s wedding on Maui. Of all the Hawaiian Islands, Maui is the one I’ve spent the least amount of time on. This was my first real adventure on Maui. I was so lucky to have stayed in Haiku which is kind of like the North shore on Oahu with nice surf, old style Hawai’I wooden porch houses and friendly laid-back type people. I had the most awesome host. The first morning when I woke up after 17 hours of traveling, I walked outside and heard roosters crowing, smelled sweet plumeria and ginger and felt the cool ocean breeze against my face. Immediately I knew I was home. Life moves slower in the islands. Why rush? No worries. Just cruise. If can, can. If no can, no can. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Enjoy every minute…that’s what it’s all about.

 Maui was beautiful and time moves even slower than it does on Oahu. I really felt like I was living in the moment all the time. Hours felt like days. It was a nice change. Instead of documenting events, I was living   life and making memories. I laughed so much and enjoyed spending time with my extended family and being a part of my girl’s wedding. I couldn’t be happier seeing my friend marry a guy that is obviously a soul mate and understands how lucky he is to have her. I know they will have many happy years together. 

I always love spending time with other people’s family. I find it interesting to see the similarities and differences between my family and my friends. Perhaps it is the similarities that make us friends to begin with. We understand the same type of “crazy”. Ha! Ha! I love how over the years, my close friend’s families have become extensions of my own. They are my family too. 

I had so much fun at the Dragon Fruit Farm! A strange looking fruit that tastes amazing! I got to aqua ball! What the heck is an aqua ball? It’s one of me most fun things to do on Maui! Check it out…

Check out the video Aqua Ball

After a week of gallivanting around Maui, aquaball’n, watching my girl get hitched and kick’n it with my extended family, it was time for me to see my own family on Oahu. It was a quick thirty min. flight from Maui to Oahu. Flying into Honolulu, the island and high rises looked huge in comparison to anything on Maui. 

 It had only been nine months since I was last back home on Oahu.  It seemed like much longer than that. Usually I take a good month or so to spend at home, but this time I only had a week. My usual “go with the flow attitude” wasn’t going to work if wanted see family and do some of my favorite things. This part of the trip was about reconnecting with family, my roots and birth place. It’s always refreshing to go home, recharge and put things back into perspective. I got to camp on the beach, spend time with some of my family and friends, hike, surf, swim, relax and lay out. It was perfect. I only wish it was longer.

I always learn a lesson after returning from home. This time the lesson was to realize what is really important and that life goes fast. We don’t know when this crazy ride will end. That’s why we have to cherish each day and be grateful for everything and everyone in our life. Be thankful year round! Hope you had an awesome turkey day! Aloha!

One Love. One Family. One Legacy

It is hard to believe that it has been almost nine years since I fell in love with BJJ on the mats at Relson Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. The support and insight of my old instructors, Phil Cardella and Christy Thomas, helped make me who I am today and guided me to where I am in life.  As I look back at my experiences, some of the best days of my life were spent on those mats. But the most important lesson I learned from Phil and Christy was to love Jiu-Jitsu. This is what continues to carry me forward through my Jiu-Jitsu journey.

It has been over a year now since I went looking for a new school. I spent six months exploring other schools in the area and meeting new people in the community. What I’ve realized over the past year, is that no matter where we come from, how rich or poor, young or old or whatever are our goals, it is our love for the sport, art and science that unites us. Jiu-Jitsu is that link that connects all of us from our otherwise separate lives. We are all a part of that community.  By supporting each other and working together, we can help the sport flourish even more. 

I think the strength and potential of our community starts within the confines of our homes, or in this case, our academies. It is the lessons and values we learn in the home that cultivate the type of community around us. By having a strong family unit and community supporting us, the opportunities and potential for growth are endless. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is what it is today because of a family. Each members of the Gracie family have contributed to the growth and evolution of BJJ. By stepping on those mats each day, we are all a part of that family and legacy. We all shape the future of tomorrow. 

 

Now I’ve found my home at Gracie Humaitá Austin. I chose to make this my academy for several reasons.  It was made up of a combination of some of my BJJ family, I knew the training was top notch, and most importantly, I believed in something that was just starting to form.    I could see that this academy had great potential to be revolutionary and most of all, I wholeheartedly believed in the potential of us all and how we could impact and shape the future of the sport and art. I knew that this was the place where I could reach my maximum potential alongside teammates. Together we would bring each other up the ranks and learn how to become better people in the process. Because we all came from different places, we had even more to offer each other. I had no doubt that together we could all achieve our goals and reach our fullest potential. 

In less than a year after starting at Gracie Humaitá Austin, together with my instructors, team and family, we are cultivating a place for world class training, building a strong team of competitors and a solid foundation for a community that extends beyond our academy walls. The strength in the foundation we are building together will help flourish the sport and art in a positive direction while preserving the tradition and legacy of the Gracie way. Everything I saw before is coming true now.

I got my first taste of Gracie Humaitá straight from the source in Brazil two years ago. To this day, I still remember so much of what I learned not only about BJJ but also about life and the importance of family. Even though the classes were all in Portuguese, I didn’t find this to be a problem. It wasn’t the words that told the story. It was the actions. I studied the movement and how it looked when it worked. I learned more in a month than I had in a year. I also learned about the culture of Jiu-Jitsu and the importance of family. Although I couldn’t understand what they said, I could tell how much they loved, respected and supported each other based on body language and their interactions with each other. I could see the level of pride they took in their team, family and home. How they helped each other and worked together to make each other better on and off the mats. Although I wasn’t on their team, they took me in as their own and looked out for me when I was in Brazil. It didn’t matter what the patch on my back said, it was that universal passion and love for BJJ that made me part of their family. 

Little did I know that two years later that source would be brought to me. 

Paulo Brandao or otherwise known as Coelho (rabbit), is the newest edition to Gracie Humaitá Austin family.  He comes to us from Manaus Amazonas Brazil. His experience is like no other Black Belt in Texas. He earned his black belt eighteen years ago alongside legends like Saulo Ribeiro and Vini Aieta on November 27, 1995.  He is a world champion competitor and a world class instructor. He is undoubtedly the real deal. 

I’ve learned a tremendous amount in such a short time from him. I can only imagine where we will all be in a few months as we all grow and evolve together. We are very fortunate to have him a part of our academy and our family. I’ve trained with Donald Park for over three years and know the true value of his instruction and leadership abilities. I am confident that all of us together and with the support of one another, can evolve into a new era and further the legacy and traditions of the Gracie way. The sky’s the limit.

 Having pride in our homes and our families is crucial to the success of the family unit and community at large. Loving and respecting each other is part of that.  I feel honored to train with some of the most talented and determined men and women in Texas. We have the makings for one of the strongest teams and women’s teams in Texas, not only because of our talent, but also because of the sheer determination and unifying love we all share for BJJ.

We are sending a few teammates up to the Europa Torque Tour this weekend. I know they will represent us well. Good luck everyone! We are all behind you!

Just like in Brazil, in Hawai’i there is a unique sense of family that brings communities together as cohesive units. Everyone helps out each other and looks after one another. We are more than neighbors, friends or family, we are an ohana. The beauty of ohana is that it can extend beyond blood relationships to include everyone who shares a common bond. Jiu-jitsu is the bond for us. 

The bond is a spider web that starts in our “homes” and in our hearts. It weaves its way around the world uniting the lives of many. Thanks to the Internet, UFC and those that work hard to contribute to the community to make the sport progressive, the reach and connection is even further than it ever was before. No matter where we train, whom we train with or what team we proudly represent. We are all a part of something bigger than ourselves. We are bringing a sport and art to the front lines, building a community and shaping history. We are all family because we share a love for BJJ. We love it with all our hearts. It’s in our blood. We live for it. It’s who we are.

  

A Postcard From Over The Edge...

As a kid I always loved going on “road trips”, but the only problem was that I lived on an island. Sometimes my family and I would go to the North Shore of Oahu, which is about an hour away from Honolulu. In Hawai`i, one hour translates to six. It’s all a matter of perspective. I never thought I’d get my fill of road trips and then along came the summer 2012. 

For the past few months I’ve pretty much lived out of my car. I’ve traveled all over Texas this summer  as I had intended to do last summer. Except this time, I wasn’t on a BJJ (training) tour of Texas. It was traveling to document BJJ & MMA.  Over the course of the past few months, I’ve blown through Dallas, Houston, Killeen and San Antonio countless times. My poor lil’ old car has put in some serious miles this summer trying to keep up with the BJJ and MMA explosion in Texas. The rising temperatures and gas prices have coincided with the growth of the  BJJ  & MMA community here in Texas. It warms my heart to see how Jiu-Jitsu and MMA has continued to spread and impact  more people’s lives.

 Even though I love BJJ with all my heart, I always felt like something was wrong with me because I didn’t geek out and watch BJJ videos compulsively like some enthusiasts do.  Then at this year’s Mundials,  I finally got in touch with my inner BJJ junkie.  At first, I was really sad about not going to compete at the Mundials. This year was the first time I sat at home and watched the Mundials from afar but little did I know how much more I could fall in love with BJJ by sitting on my butt 2,000 miles away from the action. Much to my surprise, I  was glued to the screen watching the Mundials every free moment I had. One hour would unexpectedly turn into four or five. It was then that I realized that no sane person would watch that much BJJ, I must really love it! I became that overzealous BJJ fan and subjected social media to my rants and obsessive updates. That was just the beginning. 

I recently returned to training again after slightly re-injuring my knee in June. It was just a tremor compared to the massive attack of April. I took precautions this time and took a month and a half off training to only focus on physical therapy. I have to be careful now, because I can’t afford to be on crutches again, especially not during the busy BJJ tournament season. 

Over the past few months I have continued to watch and photograph between 10-20 hours a week of live BJJ at tournaments, MMA fights and classes at Gracie Humaita Austin. I’ve also spend 15-20 hours a week editing photos. I never thought that watching BJJ would really do me that much benefit without practicing it, but I was wrong. It was how I’ve been watching it, that has changed things for me.

Each time I return to training it’s been different. This time I think I came back extremely ready and focused. After the Leticia Ribeiro Women’s Grappling camp, I was pumped up and ready to train. Instead of training on the mats, I’ve been doing it in my mind. I’ve taken on a new outlook and gained a new understand for the movement behind BJJ by photographing it. By taking on a fresh perspective, I’ve expanded my awareness some. Sitting and watching is good, but chasing the action behind the camera is what makes the difference for me.

As a photographer, I am always hunting for that extraordinary moment that shows the raw emotion and captures the essence of the split second victory shot. In order to get it,  I turn to my BJJ knowledge  to predict the possible sequences of movements and directions the competitors may move for a submission or position.  But not all matches can be predicted. I definitely have been caught off guard by some. 

Texas has some very talented athletes of all ages and sexes, but my favorite divisions are the kids and teens. It’s amazing how technical they are and how precise they are in their delivery at such a young age. It’s absolutely beautiful! The future of BJJ is bright because of these kids and teens.

Lately I’ve been studying the movement of BJJ in order to get the best shots for my clients. The added bonus is  that I’m learning more about Ju-Jitsu in the process. I am starting to see angles, lines and shapes in the movements and realizing that how well you can draw along the lines and make the angles determines the effectiveness of a move.  This new phase is the coming together of my artistic and athletic sides. I’m excited to see what’s in store next. 

The BJJ summer tournament season isn’t quite over and I’m not ready to tap yet. I am sure I have more lessons to learn and adventures to be had. Check out some of my latest work at www.mymeanstreak.com

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                                                                            

Leticia Ribeiro Women's Grappling Camp is coming to Arlington Texas

Leticia Ribeiro is among one of the most influential and accomplished women in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. She is not only known for her seven World Championship titles and her place in the International Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Federation Hall of Fame, but also for being the head coach of one of the most successful women’s team ever known in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu: the Gracie Humaita Women’s Team.

As a team the Gracie Humaita women’s team has earned multiple first place wins at World Championships and is comprised of several top level world champions, including Penny Thomas, Bia Mesquita and Carol Vidal. 

Last year Ribeiro, Thomas, Mesquita traveled to Northern California and then to Southern California for their first series of Leticia Ribeiro Women’s Grappling Camps in the United States. Both of which were a huge success. A record number of sixty women attended the San Francisco women’s camp. They traveled from as far away as Hawaii, Canada, Michigan, Texas and Arizona. The camp was soon followed earlier this year by Leticia Ribeiro’s Los Angeles Women’s Grappling Camp which included seventy participants.

On June 29th Ribeiro will return to Texas for her first camp with two of her multiple World champion black belts, Beatriz Mesquita and Carol Ann. The Leticia Ribeiro Women’s Grappling Camp will be held at Alvarez Brazilian Jiu Jitsu located at 1114 W. Harris Rd Arlington, Texas on June 29^th-July 1^st.  

Texas has a fast-growing community and a rising number of talented female athletes. And the anticipated turnout at the Leticia Ribeiro Women’s Grappling Camp will likely prove that Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is most certainly gettin’ bigger in Texas. 

For more information on the camp visit Fenom Kimonos www.fenomkimonos.com

Buenos Aires-The Europe of South America

I have been really itching for an adventure. I think I am overdue, but I have so much going on now it may have to wait until later this year. I hear South America calling my name again. But another part of me wants to venture west and go check out the Polynesian Islands. Either way, I need to explore somewhere and get in some beach time. Until then, I thought I'd take a step back in time and relive the beauty, culture and mystifying city of Buenos Aires, Argentina.

When was I booking my flight to South America in 2010, it was my goal to visit two to three different countries since I was already going to be in the area. A good friend of mine, Amber, had spent an extended period of time in Buenos Aires a few years prior.  While she was there she completely fell in love with the city and found her true passion-pole dancing. So I decided to go to Buenos Aires and see what the city had to offer. I booked a flight directly from Austin, TX to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil then to Buenos Aires, Argentina and back to Austin.  I really had no idea what I was getting myself into, but Buenos Aires was even more amazing then I imagined it to be.  The culture, people, architecture, history and food were like no place I have ever been to.  

I am kind of a fly by night type of gal when it comes to traveling. I love to travel, but hate airports.  I try to spend as little time in them as possible.  I consider myself to have become a little too much of a "casual" traveler.  I don't stress about being at the airport in enough time and I also typically don't do much or any research on where I am traveling to. I think this gives me the chance to explore it for myself.  However, sometimes my nonchalant attitude and lack of planning can backfire on me.  

After the perfect tropical climate of Rio de Janeiro, Argentina was a harsh reminder that it was actually winter in South America.  This of course, was not something that I had researched when buying the ticket. I guess I just assumed that Buenos Aires would be a tropical climate like Rio. In the end, I did luck out, because a week before my arrival in Buenos Aires, it was much colder (20-40 degrees), than it was when I arrived (50-60 degrees). So the few cold weather articles of clothing I packed, just in case, did in fact come in handy. 

When I told my friend Jordan about my trip, he told me about a few Argentina friends he made while visiting Buzios Brazil. He introduced me to his friend Marcelo via Facebook and I couldn't be happier when he offered me a place to stay. I was thrilled to be staying in the home of native born Argentinians who knew Buenos Aires like the back of their hand.  I could not have dreamed of having better hosts.

The first morning after my arrival, I awoke to a five-star treatment. Although both of my hosts had already ventured off to work, they had set out a "traditional" Argentinian breakfast and map of the city for me.  I especially liked the alfajores.  The night before they had filled my head with ideas of what to do with the four days I had in the city. I wanted to take a tour on a double decker bus. However, I was rather unsuccessful in this attempt. I couldn't find the right bus stop, and crossing the language barrier was rough. When I finally found the bus stop, it took me at least five minutes of bantering back and forth with the driver to realize that it was too late for me to jump on the tour and I'd have to attempt it another day.

So I decided to get on the subway and go to the center of the city and find the market I'd heard of.  But of course I couldn't read the signs and ended up on the opposite side of town in a local neighborhood that not many tourists venture into. I was starving, so I decided to grab something to eat and wanted to sit down to re-group and figure out how to get where I wanted to go. I was shocked by how many American fast food companies had taken over the city. I think I saw more McDonald's restaurants in Buenos Aires than in Austin. Marcelo jokingly called them American Embassies.

I choose to eat at a small local restaurant and then jumped back on the subway in the right direction.  When I emerged from the subway, I was in awe of the beautiful architecture. I couldn't stop looking up. The buildings were beautiful and the details were so intricate. It felt like I'd crossed the continent to Europe. 

The market was huge! It stretched across at least ten-fifteen blocks long. You could buy anything from fresh fruit and veggies to robotic toys. Perhaps the most interesting part of this market was that it was in an outdoor mall that housed some of the world’s top designer high end boutiques. It was a really bizarre contrast between the poor people selling their goods to eat on the sidewalk and the extremely rich shopping boutiques. This was a direct example of the state of the economy and division of classes in Buenos Aires after the crash in 2001.

In the United States, poor homeless people push K-Mart shopping carts, in Buenos Aires I saw a man using a rickety old handmade cart pulled by a donkey used to haul the "treasures".  I was told by my hosts that some people lost everything in the crash. Those that were already poor became deprived. However, the people in Buenos Aires have gotten creative in hustling for cash to survive. Some people ride the subway all day and push merchandise on you by plopping it down on your lap hoping you’ll buy it or the street performers would charge money for photos.

After wondering around the market, I decided to take some photos. Then I came across a protest.  Although I couldn't understand the issue that they were protesting, I found the energy to be captivating. Perhaps this is because it wasn't that long ago, protesting was illegal. I can't imagine not being able to speak out against injustices, especially in a city that has endured some of the most horrifying injustices because of the government. Our freedom of speech in the United States is something that I think we all take for granted. The radical in me had to follow along and snap a few shots.

My first day in Buenos Aires was filled with failed attempts, but my relaxed Carioca attitude kept me flowing with it despite constant setbacks. Although it wasn't the most productive day, I did succeed in taking in the city and found my own adventures despite being lost and walking in circles for hours.

Photos from the 1st day in Buenos Aires:

 

Keep Watering Your Plant

A friend of mine, Mike was recently in town for the weekend. I hadn't seen him in like three years since he moved to San Francisco and we hadn’t talked much during that time either.  Although I've been feeling really low energy lately, I agreed to go out with him and see his friend Mel the DJ. This just so happened to be the same day Adam Yauch, from the Beastie Boys died. As a tribute to Yauch, Mel played Beastie Boys songs all night long. It was a nice trip down memory lane.
 

It’s interesting to me how I may not speak to a friend for months or years, but when we reconnect we are going through the same phases. Mike and I were having a discussion about life and he said something to me that really helped me put things back in perspective. He said that life is like a plant and you have to water it to make it grow. Over the past few years I’ve become a 100% a believer in what he was talking about, I just need to hear it again.  

A few years ago I was associated with a tragic and horrifying experience which unexpectedly brought hopefulness and change to my life in an unimaginable way. 

I’ve worked as a photographer off and on for my whole adult life. It’s a passion I’ve had since I was seventeen. Over the years I’ve gone through various phases of my career. Sometimes I’ve been more serious about it than others.  

Six years ago, in 2006, I was really motivated and would take any photography job regardless of the pay just to get the experience in the field. I was working non-stop for pennies or for free. I’d photograph anything to get my foot in the door and build my portfolio. 

During that time I photographed an album cover in Austin for some small local band with not a whole lot of cash. I only charged them $150. Little did I know at the time, I had taken a photo that would be invaluable to the world four years later.

As time went on, I soon grew discouraged with working for way too little pay and didn’t feel like I was moving forward. Unfortunately the “doubt” demons won and I basically put my camera down for close to three years.  I then experienced some of the roughest times I’ve ever had which also led to some of the most inspiring and progressive periods in my life. My heart had been broken, I fell on my face, bumped my butt on the bottom a few times, picked myself up, finally began to believe in myself again and rebuild my life.

Throwing myself into hard training for the Pan Ams and Worlds is what got the through the worst of my rough patches in early 2009.  Gracie Jiu-jitsu is what led my way out of a long funk I’d been in and helped me cope with the despair of going through a hard break up with my ex-boyfriend of twelve years. My self-confidence and self-esteem was in the crapper after the break up, but GJJ helped rebuild my broken state. 

Much to my surprise, I went on to win the Pan Ams in 2009. This was the first time I really started to believe in myself again and realize what I am truly capable of accomplishing if I put my whole heart, mind, body and soul into it.  I had done more than I ever imagined I could and I went on to place second in the Worlds against Sofia Amarante. Words can’t describe how much this lifted my spirits and opened my eyes. 

By 2010, I had almost completely restricted my life around training GJJ.  I was 100% focused and dedicated.  Although my life was moving in a positive direction, it wasn’t perfect. 

I was working for a major insurance company. My job was painfully boring and unrewarding. It paid the bills and that’s about it. I hated everything about it. It was a toxic environment and just walking into the building put me in a foul mood. I was unfulfilled in cubical world with the other office droids. As each day passed, I felt increasingly trapped as I gazed out the big glass window. Freedom was staring me in the face but that glass barrier was there to remind me I was stuck. I felt like I died a little each day.

It was one of those jobs that suckered you in with the perks; on site health clinic for only $15 a visit, on site full gym for $25 a month, tuition reimbursement, massage therapist on site for $15 a visit, health, dental and life insurance for part time employees, etc. The perks were too good to move on and let this dead-end job go. I justified it by thinking I was only working part time and it was allowing me to still train full time for competitions. I’d be an idiot to let go of a job like this. 

In those three years I took a break from photography, I didn’t miss photography even though it had once given my life direction and brought me so much happiness. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever pick it back up again. 

And that’s when a small private plane flew into the IRS building in Austin, and changed my life's direction forever.

IRS Building Austin, TX

I was sitting in my cubical when the office gossip swept over the office like a tsunami. A plane had flown into a building? Landed on Mo-Pac Expressway? A house was on fire? The media hadn’t yet figured out what was going on. We all sat at the edge of our seats wondering if it was a terrorist attack or an accident, while we continued answering insurance claims. 

Not long after, it was determined that a man had flown a private plane into the IRS building and that he had also set his own house on fire. Then a "manifesto" was found online detailing why he had done what he did. It was his final protest against tax harassment which caused his suicidal crash and the death of an IRS employee. Even in knowing all of this, there still wasn’t a photo or name released for the pilot. 

A few hours passed and I got a call from the assistant editor at the Austin American Statesman asking if they could use a photo of mine of some band for a feature article. Without thinking or asking more questions I agreed to let them use my photo for the story, no compensation was offered for my photo.  I didn’t ask because I was just happy to have a published photo with the Statesman. I assumed the photo had no value and it was just some band that did something interesting.

After I hung up with the Statesman, it all clicked, had I just been taken? I asked a co-worker that had been following the story, if they had a photo up for the pilot yet and he said no. I waited a few more minutes and the sure enough the Statesman had my photo front page. There was Joe Stack the pilot of the crashed plane, with photo credits to Shama Ko Photography. That was my Holy Crap moment! I had no idea what was to come next, no-one could have predicted it. 

New York Post-Joe Stack

Next thing I know I got a call from Inside Edition, CNN, ABC, MSNBC and Fox News, followed by every major local, national and international press outlets you can think of in radio, television and print. I immediately asked to leave work. For the next seven hours my phone was blowing up. I was the only link to the story. I had the only existing photo of the pilot at the time. If the Statesman had not found that photo in their archives, none of this would have happened.  Things got so out of hand that I couldn’t answer all the calls. I had no idea about the value of my photo. This wasn’t something they teach you in school. I had no idea what I was doing. I’d never negotiated usage of my photos on such a large scale. 

After speaking to the editor at the Austin American Statesman he gave me some good advice, apologized for the mix up and offered to pay me for the photo they had used.

I didn’t have much time to decide who to represent me. I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. Everything was moving very fast and it was overwhelming. My head was spinning out of control. I thought about it as long as I could, which was only a moment, and decided to call in the big boys at Getty Images to represent me, and negotiate on my behalf with the media.

It was a strange feeling to profit from such a horrible tragedy. I felt guilty, like I should give the money to his family or the victim's family. In some weird way, I felt like I was responsible for it happening when I had nothing to do with it at all. I didn’t feel good about taking any money for the photo, until my mother reminded me that I deserved it. This was my pay it forward coming full circle. All that hard work I did years before finally caught up and in a very tragic and ironic way I was watching my plant grow out of the ashes. So I decided to water my life plant and do something I always wanted to but never had the money to do before, go to Brazil and train with one of the best women in the world, Leticia Ribeiro at a camp that happened to be scheduled a few months later.

Although things didn’t go as planned and the camp was cancelled, I still decided to go to Brazil by myself. Through my experiences in Rio de Janeiro, I blossomed even more. I took on a new situation by myself and had an amazing time. Going to Brazil was a pivotal point in my life and my journey of self-discovery. In Brazil, I took lots of amazing photos, met amazing people and was inspired by everything around me. After a month in Rio, I came back to the States with a golden tan and a new understanding of who I am and what I wanted to do. I decided the whole experience was a sign that I need to get back into photography.  I decided to return to school and study photography to further my career and finally restructure and invest in my photography company.

Sometimes unexpected things happen in this world that we don’t understand, but I’m starting to see that everything has some kind of meaning or purpose. Just because things don’t go as planned, doesn’t mean you should give up on something you believe in or desire. Hard work and not giving up are the keys to making anything happen.  

In some ways I feel that this tragedy provided me with an opportunity to be reborn and connected with a part of myself that was missing. Revitalizing this passion and love in my life that has brought me even more happiness than I thought I could ever have. Since then, I’ve combined my two biggest passions, GJJ and photography with Mean Streak Photography.  It’s strange how life changes and one of the only things that stays constant is our love, for what is truly meant to be.

Mind vs. Body-Frenemies Unite for the Common Good

The body has its way of slamming on the breaks and bringing your world to a screeching halt when it needs to be heard. To some it may seem like you've been blindsided, especially when you've ignored the warning signs like I did.

I consider myself to be a pretty intuitive and in tune with my body, but I realized lately that I have some really selective hearing combined with a really stubborn nature. I really am my father's daughter. However, no matter how stubborn and abusive I can be to my body it isn’t long before it throws a wrench in the gears and I have no other choice but to slow down and play by the rules.

I realize now that my mind has been telling me lies like: “It's normal that your knee pops" or "Shut up and don't be such a biatch, you stupid knee! “  Meanwhile my body has been pleading "No!!! Listen to me!  Listen to me! One more time is closer to your last! Warning! Warning!”

This battle between my mind and my body has been going on for close to ten months. Finally, last week my body got my undivided attention. Of course, only I could injure my knee in the most classic "Peter Griffin" fashion.

It was really very simple. All I was doing was sitting in guard and when I went to move, I rolled over my knee and it popped again.  But this time it didn't immediately pop back in like it usually does. To make matters worse, as I reached back to drag myself away I heard my thumb make a loud crack followed by horrendous pain. The most embarrassing part was this happened during the instructional portion of class and I was the "dummy".

I knew something was wrong after I tried to brush it off and keep going, but I was quickly pounded by a monstrous wave of pain radiating throughout my body. My knee was locked bent and hurt no matter how I rested it. My teammates later told me I looked like I was "giving birth" based on my facial expressions and cries of agony. I’ve never had a baby, and I hope it isn’t that bad, but this was the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced. I felt like my knee was hanging on by a twisted and mangled thread.  I could not walk. 

 I don't know how I slept through the night without pain meds, but when I woke up the next day I was at a level 8-9 in pain.  My whole leg was throbbing and my knee was destroyed.  I couldn't walk. I had to scoot around my house in an office chair because I didn't have crutches.  I called around and everyone told me to go to the ER.  I went and it ended up being a complete waste of time and money. I got some crutches, a leg brace, X-Rays and pain meds and I was sent home.

 Then, still in misery, I made the mistake of taking a trip down memory lane and decided to watch one of my old matches. This was the worst decision ever. All it did was make me feel depressed and remind me of how much I really miss competing.  I miss the level of dedication and self-development that competition brings. I miss eating GJJ for breakfast lunch and dinner. I couldn’t help but feel like I was even further away from returning to competition than before. 

I also couldn’t help feeling frustrated that this happened just when I was starting to be comfortable on the mats again and moving forward in my training.  For every step forward, I feel I am limping back even more.

Big wahhhh, I know.

Now, I could just sit around and throw myself a pity party, but I know there is a reason I've been sidelined again. Over the past few years I've come to the realization that everything happens for a reason and I just have to stay positive and keep moving forward.  I'm trying to understand what my body, the universe, or powers to be are trying to tell me. I have yet to figure it out, it could be that selective hearing again.

Even though I miss training and competing from my very core, I decided that I have another purpose, to finally properly take care of my knee.  Once I decided that, as if by “magic”, I found an excellent doctor who knows about sports injuries and has already helped me tremendously. He also told me that pain is the sign of distress within the body and that that conventional medicine, (synthetic drugs), tend to mask these alarms.  So, I decided not to take the painkillers I got from the Emergency Room also because they made me sick. So, you got my attention body, I'm listening!!!!

A letter to my body:

Dear Body,

I got your message last week and although I wanted to throw it in the trash and ignore it like I usually do, you played dirty and you got my attention! Well played my friend. I'm now at your mercy.

Body, you can be such a jerk! I really wanted to punch you in the face for messing up my plans last weekend and pissing all over my b-day...but now I forgive you.  I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but I realize you were just looking out for us. I am sorry for calling you a biatch all the time and for telling you to shut up. I should have listened.

I admit that I did things the hard way. I enjoyed messing with you and took you for granted.  Those days are behind us now. I realize that we really are stuck with each other whether we like it or not. So I'd like to offer an olive leaf, as a gesture of peace. We might as well work together. Who really knows how much time we have left? Perhaps if we work together that time might just be a bit longer.

Looking forward to working with you.  Thank you for looking out for us. I'm listening now, so let's do this.

P.S. Even though a part of me will always want to sabotage our efforts, know I'm trying to change my ways. Please forgive me for being a douchebag. 

Love, 

Shama